I am a creative healer

what happens when you don't follow your calling?

I joined substack a few months ago, I wrote one post and then I froze.

I'm not a writer, I tell stories through my art. And I felt that I didn't belong in this world of exceptionally talented writers.

I've decided to give it another go and will share my art along with the story behind the image. Please bare with my writing skills or rather lack there of.

I have recently been through what could be termed as a mid life crisis.. burnout.. radical re-awakening.. perimenopause? Who knows. I'm not sure one term defines what has been happening to me.

I am 39 and I am entering into an intense phase of reflection of the first phase of my life. To be honest.. I was thrust into it at a hurtling speed!

I was unraveling. One layer at a time.

Brain fog, procrastination, depression, anxiety, body changes, addiction.. the list goes on. All of these symptoms can be explained by having ADHD, being a highly sensitive person, being a completely exhausted mother of three, being in a rollercoaster of a relationship for 21 years and working through many layers of trauma from childhood and beyond.

But none of those things felt like the root of my dismay.

I was lost and I had a desperate need to figure out what the actual fuck was going on.

I was in a very dark lonely place, feeling lost and I could not recognize the person I had somehow become.

I have so much in my life that I deeply value and that brings me emmense joy, but I was feeling so empty and lost. So mis-aligned. Waking up every day with a crippling sense of dread and anxiety.

Through many attempts at figuring out what was ‘wrong’ with me. I learnt that I was on a shamanic journey and being prodded and poked in very unpleasant ways to listen to my calling.

In this desperate state I decided to do a self portrait. A subtle representation of how I felt.

Scars and wounds, energy blocks, physical sensations and an open curious eye looking for a way to navigate this experience.

I have since done a profound initiation process with the support and guidance of shamans, healers, women and plant medicine.

Whilst in the integration phase I am gathering pieces of an image that will form another self portrait. I hope to continue this practice of reflection and expression of where I am at in my life's process.

I would love to hear your stories on these catastrophic points in life that shake you up and make you shed so that you can reveal a more authentic version of yourself.

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Self Portrait
Original sold | Prints available

My artwork is available for purchase, message me if you’re interested and I can send you my catalogue of what I have available.